That night had been awful. The endless arguments with her husband had weighed heavily on her and made her fed up with life. She couldn’t even figure out what they’d been fighting about. Shouting, flying plates, and tears streaming down like rain pouring from the sky.
Yet it used to be so wonderful, being together with him. Delicious meals, wonderful vacations, waiting for the day to end, watching the sunrise together.
Their lovemaking used to be beautiful, too. The way their bodies came together. There was no physical, psychological, or spiritual distance between them. When their lips met, electricity would surge through them like a bolt of lightning. And how wonderful it was to sleep side by side, spooning.
What was it that ended their love? What was the cause of this distress? If their friends asked about them, they’d say they flew together like lovebirds. Even they couldn’t understand what had been happening lately.
And morning came. Her boyfriend knocked on the door without saying a single word and walked out.
No matter how much she tossed and turned in bed, her inner turmoil wouldn’t subside; she just couldn’t find any peace. Admittedly, she had nothing to do that day. She could stay in bed as long as she wanted. But to no avail—that distress wouldn’t leave her. Crying, feeling sad, sighing. No matter what she did, that sorrow, that negative energy, wouldn’t go away.
She slowly sat up in bed. She put the kettle on and began to think.
She’d first seen him on a trip to Europe. It was a trip to Italy. While gliding through the waters of Venice in a gondola, with a few other people on it, she’d noticed him and approached him. One thing led to another, and Venice’s romantic atmosphere had seeped into their souls. It was a beautiful summer. Everything was just as it should be—perfect.
She had hugged him for the first time in a square in Rome. It was such a hug that, while he was in his arms, it was as if she were saying to him, “Don’t ever let me go, I can’t live without you, you’re my one and only love, my one and only.”
The trip had lasted five days. On the last night of those five days, while they were eating spaghetti at that Italian restaurant, she opened up to him.
“You’re such an amazing man. I’ve never met anyone like you.”
“You’re a rare flower. You’re my most beautiful flower, one that never fades. I can’t get enough of your scent and your beauty.”
– You’re a true gentleman. Your kindness, your sweet words, your magnificent body, your heart as soft as velvet. I’m in love with you—I’m confessing it openly. I’m declaring to the world that I’m in love with you.
– Let’s make this moment eternal. Let’s take a photo. Let the entire cosmos hear our love. Let’s announce it to everyone. Let there be forty days and forty nights of celebration.
– This is the moment. This eternal moment.
They took a photo and shared it on social media. But the real photo—the one in their minds—would remain there forever.
After returning to Istanbul, they spent every weekend without fail, hopping from one restaurant to another, enjoying each other’s company. With each passing day, their love grew stronger. They grew closer and closer to one another.
As she ate his breakfast half-heartedly, she couldn’t shake the gloom that had overtaken her. As she sipped his tea with a heavy heart, the previous evening wouldn’t leave her mind. What had happened to them? What was their problem?
The phone rang. Loudly, incessantly, as if it were piercing his ears. She answered. The voice on the other end spoke:
-Hi, Bahar.
-Hi, Mert.
-It’s been years since we last spoke. I’m sorry about that. I’ve been so busy with work; I just couldn’t find the time.
-That’s okay. Mert, I’m so unhappy. My boyfriend and I had a fight last night. I’m really, really upset.
-Let’s meet in person. I have time today.
They met at that nice café in Nişantaşı. Was it her boyfriend’s indifference? Those arguments whose cause she didn’t understand, her life turned into a living hell. The endless shouting and sadness. She faced Mert in this state of despair.
-Mert, I’m so glad you came. Save me from this despair.
– “What can I do? This is something between the two of you.”
Just then, thunder rumbled, lightning flashed, and rain began to pour from the sky.
They moved from the café’s garden to the indoor seating area. What a downpour it was. It was pouring in torrents. Clearly, God was very angry. I wonder what He was angry about?
Was meeting up with Mert a mistake? As this question nagged at her mind, they continued their conversation.
-What have you been up to, Mert?
-Just the usual hustle and bustle at work. Still running the company. We’re entering new markets. We’ve also increased our number of distribution dealers. The new model is selling out. I’m happy, thank God.
-So, how’s your love life?
-There’s no one in my life. It’s been five years. I’m at peace with myself. I haven’t felt like anything was missing.
-Do you remember our high school days? We were so close to each other.
-Yes, but you chose him. You distanced yourself from me, if you remember.
-I know you’re angry with me. I loved him so much. But now I realize it wasn’t meant to last. I don’t know why.
Dear reader, how do you feel? What’s going through your mind? Should Bahar break up with her boyfriend? Should she get closer to Mert? Would this be better? Or should she make up with her boyfriend? I’m not sure.
That’s just the way fate works. Everything is actually predetermined. What will happen is clear, but no one but God knows it.
I intend to end the story here. Sometimes I can’t choose my own path either. After so many disappointments, I can’t write a happy ending. Let the story remain unfinished. Let it remain unfinished. After all this pain, I couldn’t possibly finish this story anyway.
Please don’t think I’m rebelling against God. He surely knows best; there must be a reason for the pain I’ve endured for years. Maybe there’s a glimmer of hope—what do you think?
My grandfather used to say, “What will dawn bring before the sun rises?” I’m waiting, waiting, waiting.
Author İzzet Karaağaçlı has published two books titled *Love’s Silent Call* and *The Light in Our Garden*.(Second one will be published soon)